I never meant to hurt you…
I never meant to make you cry,
But tonight, I’m being covered for a pre-existing condition…

So hi there.

I was inspired by the recent passage of Health Care Reform to say something political, and I thought “Wait, I have this whole comic that I used to do…” so, I figured I’d whip something up. It’s one of those where I talk a lot and not necessarily one where I am making fun of politicians as much (which is, admittedly more fun) but if you want to read some words that I wrote, there they are.

Til next time.

And you thought he did it out of altruism. You sad bastards.

Congrats to President Obama. I look forward to making fun of him for the next 4 or 8 years!

Happy MLK Day to you all. I can’t wait for the Inauguration (technically speaking, I can’t wait til we can put a big “Ex-” in front of President Bush’s title). See you folks later.

Ever wonder why Teddy Roosevelt is up on Mount Rushmore? He’s not even the best president named Roosevelt…

Go directly to Guantanamo. Do not get a lawyer. Do not receive habeas corpus.

Just makin’ up for lost time, baby. Enjoy.

–He has beautiful daughters, and I think he will make a fine president of the United States.”

Oh so most of the time I forget to link you guys to the specific incident which incited the comic above, but this time I won’t. The video in question is the Sarah Palin Turkey video, in which she talks about how awesome it would be to cook up a turkey, and how people in the media will SOMEHOW find a way to criticize her for pardoning a turkey as she stands in front of a guy literally grinding up other (non-pardoned) turkeys in the background. Thank the stars she wasn’t elected, because I’m sure in some alternate universe, there’s a “Sarah Palin Turkey” video with her standing in front of actual Turkish people as they’re getting slaughtered while she blathers about how awesome the shopping is in Istanbul or something.

There is a common misconception concerning this comic: it actually does take time to do. I know, it doesn’t look that way in the end, but it does require a somewhat large time output to get each of them done. In lieu of that, I have been working on a machine that instantly creates whatever I imagine in my head into reality. However, while I intended to use such a machine only for good, like other failed technologies, such as the internet and mail-order people-delivery, I quickly found the only legitimate application for such a product was in the sexual realm. The system still has a few kinks in it (it keeps conjuring up Swedish towel boys, for instance. I don’t even like towels!), so until I get it completely worked out, you’ll have to live off of my best intentions and hopes that I can return to form shortly.

I do intend to get something posted today/tonight, though, well, it’s 5 am and I have slept about 2 hours today, trying to meet 3 deadlines at once (not including this, obviously). But I’ll try and get to it. The world should not be deprived of my wit for much longer, I daresay. Keep the faith, dear reader(s).

Be good and vote tomorrow. See you guys later.

Man, has it really been almost 4 weeks since my last comic? If only I even had the time to explain my absence. But I don’t. Oh well.